Thoughts on Starting Over

Starting over is an incredibly scary thing… as much as I was looking forward to finishing university, after being settled in my own little bubble for three years, I was also very, very scared about the near and distant future.

As the realization approached that I have to start again, it was really hard. Life was forcing me into a reboot I was only partly ready for.

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Photo: Michaela Ormrod

Everyone at university is in the same boat, of course, the majority of people are leaving their university friends behind and moving back home to their hometowns, I didn’t move back home and started a job in Cambridgeshire where I don’t know anybody apart from Elliot, of course and his lovely family. Plus, the thought of moving back home made my stomach turn inside, I had very much outgrown where I had grown up.

I had a bit of an initial ‘start over’ panic in my first few days in my new home, after unpacking I went on a bit of a vicious clear out where I felt I had too much stuff and I put old, read books on Depop, got rid of the majority of my wardrobe and all of the things that I felt were metaphorically weighing my down.

I threw myself into a wide range of activities which kept me interested for approx one week until I decided that they weren’t for me and the list is forever growing… Yoga classes, meditation classes, the gym, slimming world, embroidery and a few more.

I also went to aerobics class, when I turned up to said class, I soon noticed I was the youngest in the room and when the woman was saying “touch your toes” I was the only person that wasn’t in a deep sweat. Yes, I stayed for the entire hour in the elderly aerobics. As much as I can laugh about it now, I did cry when I got home at the thought I will never make any friends in this new place I call home.

I realized how much time I spent with my friends at university and even though I’m now in work until 5:00pm each day, I feel like I have so much time spent alone. I have become accustomed to having people around me all of the time and the luxury of being able to see my closest friends at any time of the day or night. Apparently it’s no longer acceptable to order a takeaway at 1:00am on a week night? Who knew?

I’ve been living here for six months now. I’m still not quite settled, I’m looking for a new job, still looking for some friends (HMU if you want to be friends) and it’s been a rather turbulent six months.

Starting over feels good though, it’s good to have a fresh start and look forward to new opportunities, learning more about myself and meeting new people.

My main thoughts about starting over: 

  1. Exposing myself to new things and new people is a good thing and it’s healthy to fight that anxiety and show up to that aerobics class, even if it doesn’t go as planned.
  2.  Nothing is permanent and things are constantly changing.
  3. I need to be kinder to myself and not expect too much after such a short amount of time.

I hope you enjoyed this post, comment below your starting over experiences!

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